Impact play is as variable as the people who are into it. You might like a couple of slaps across the ass, a cane to the cheek or a cat of nine tails across your shoulders. There’s no one way to do it. This month the FGRLS CLUB kinksters amongst you sent me some inspired questions about impact play. So let’s get to it.
Let go through some basics.
Put simply, impact play is the act of being struck for sexual gratification AFTER informed consent has been given. This type of play can include toys such as floggers, paddles, canes and crops.
Where do I start?
As always kinksters… CONSENT is paramount. Always ask first. A cheeky smack on your partners the ass is one thing but if you’re going to go to town and make some redraw then you need to ask, it’s only polite.
Before you lay a hand or a paddle on anyone you need to understand what you’re about to do. You are about to deliberately hit someone for the purposes of pleasure. Great! Awesome! But think about it. You are physically hurting someone. I cannot stress that enough. So we need to revisit our basic anatomy for a second because you can do some serious damage. Places that you want to avoid; your lower back (hello kidneys) and from there basically anywhere that doesn’t have a lot of body fat; i.e. shins, décolletage, forearms and head. These are not fun areas to hit. Other than that, chat to your playmate, where do they like to feel the sting? I personally like the cat of nine tails across my shoulders but that’s a little more advanced.
Where to start… gentle encouragement is always a good place, it starts as a game and then eventually it turns in to something a bit more serious, you don’t want to scare them away. Oh, and start with your hand. Using your hand to spank someone means that you are able to feel the pressure behind the swing and you get an idea of what your partner feels. It’s important you understand how much of an impact your motions are creating so you know when to ease off and when to keep going. Once you’ve got a good understanding of how strong you are and how much your partner can take then you can graduate to toys.
How do I perform impact play and not leave any marks?
It’s all about the warm up! Like any sport or physical activity, it’s important to warm your body up properly. You do this by working on the area gently. Assuming that you’re taking my advice and using your hand, start with a relaxed hand and smack the cheek in a repetitive motion. This increases circulation to the area which means that the area a) won’t mark as easily and b) the area can take more pain later. Start slow, it’s worth it.
How would you introduce rougher elements of impact play in your sex life?
This is a two-part answer.
- For me, it is very important to set clear boundaries between your sex life and your kink life. Even if you’re having sex with and playing with the same person, these acts should be different, your mindset is different, the intent is different. Rough sex is great but there is a difference between rough sex and fetish.
- I’m making the assumption from this question that you are already playing if you are wanting to introduce rough play. First of all, I would pick a new toy. Don’t get all of the toys because they’ll just distract you. Focus on one toy, perhaps a paddle? A paddle is great when you’re in control of your hands because it requires the same motion but gives more impact with means way more sting. Talk to your partner and ask what they want. I’m sure the prospect of introducing some new toys into your relationship will get both of your juices flowing.
How do I tell my partner they’ve gone too far with impact play?
This is not as easy as it sounds. I have been in a situation myself where I was pushed past my limit but couldn’t find the voice to protest. I am lucky that I had a partner that was able to read me perfectly and she backed off immediately and gave me the care that I needed.
My advice is to use the traffic light system which I have spoken about before. Green means go, yellow, slow down, red stop. Yellow is your friend. Yellow tells your partner that you’re still into whatever’s happening but that it might be too fast, the impact might be too hard etc. It doesn’t mean stop, just means be careful. If your partner has really pushed you then just say red! Tap out! There are no prizes for punishing yourself like that.
Also, make sure that when you are done and you have received/given the aftercare that you need, talk to your partner. You need to let your partner know how and why you were pushed so that they are aware for next time. Communication is everything.
That’s a wrap for Kink 101 for another month. I hope you kinksters have learnt something and I have inspired you to leave your comfort zones and get kinky!
Just remember, be respectful, get consent and have fun!