We all have a social media presence. Even my mother who regularly uses Facebook to search for strangers with her surname and inundate them with pictures of our dogs. But can we really judge someone by their social media presence? More importantly, can I use my current girlfriend’s horrible social media presence as a reason to break it off? Hear me out on the dos and don’ts of a social media presence before you roll your eyes and call me another selfish millennial.
Don’ts
Overuse of hashtags
Please don’t make me decipher your hashtags.
Be overenthusiastic with the filters
I want to believe that’s what you look like. Truly, I do…
Live Videos
There is nothing worse than clicking on someone’s live video to only realise it’s just you and them. It’s almost as bad as being the first person at a party.
Post too many selfies
Kim has already written the selfie book so please sit back down
Too many TBT
We get it- you were hot in high school.
Any type of Animal filter
2015 called. Please pick up.
No-makeup selfies
Babes, my nan can see that BB cream from her house.
Overuse of boomerangs
Please just stop.
Private accounts
Why is your trip to a winery from 2012 private? We all know you blacked out and stole a wheel of cheese, mate.
#goals
Look, everyone in life has goals. My goals revolve around eating MacDonald’s in every country but I don’t tell people every day.
Do’s
Choose a theme and stick with it for the rest of your life
If Nashville is your bae then stick with that filter and keep being aesthetically pleasing.
Get crafty, make a funny caption.
We all appreciate your inner Chrissy Teigen.
Public profiles
Who does not love a stalk, am I right?
Tagging friends/clothes/food
Let us stalk to our highest potential, please. I don’t want to have to send you a DM to try and figure out where you are eating that lovely cheese and wine combo.
Know your angles but keep it real
We all like to look our best, but when you have photoshopped out every inch of cellulite/stretchmarks/pimples/arms/legs/hair, it makes me roll my eyes. Let’s embrace all our silly little imperfections and celebrate them.
Post some nudity
Please, ladies- that nipple still needs to be freed. Challenge Instagram and their annoying regulations.
Post about stuff that matters
We are in control of what we care about. Shout it loud and proud, and care about what is important in 2017.
Always include your Instagram on dating apps
Future GF Kate is thanking you for letting me stalk out your life before we date and eventually marry.
Pick your lane and stick with it.
Unfortunately, you just got to pick a lane and stick with it. Want to be meme queen then YAS, do you, boo. But if you want to be the fashion kween then you can’t be throwing in Broad City memes that do not translate on your page.
Animals everyday damn day.
PLEASE ALWAYS POST PICTURES OF ANY KIND OF ANIMAL. We all appreciate it.
So here we are, staring at our own Instagram pages, confused and questioning why we posted 6 boomerangs in a row. No one is perfect (except for Chrissy Teigen). Just please promise me that you will stop #couplegoals and continue posting about things that matter #transrights.
