Tinder, The 3rd Person In My Relationship?

Tinder turned up in our lives when we were in the prime of our young adulthood. Or at least I thought I was in my prime, photos will prove that I was far from being that in any sense of the word. After I’d carefully picked five photos, to sum up my existence as a person, I began to swipe. Realistically, I have not stopped swiping for the last five years. What do I have to show for it? Not that much. Two failed relationships, women I can’t look in the eye and too many dates that ended up with me alone in a wine-induced blacked out state, blissfully unaware that I’d talked about my passion for Honey Boo Boo Child for 30 minutes. So why do so many of us* find it hard to delete the application, even if we are in a committed relationship?

*Please let me lump you all in with me, I can sleep better at night knowing it not just me.

Has tinder become the third person in all my relationships?

The first piece of evidence towards this thought process comes in the form of a recent ex yelling at me “you never deleted tinder you piece of shit”. So yup, that unsurprisingly lead me towards the findings that tinder was an issue in that relationship.

Firstly, let me explain to the doubters out there that just think we are cheaters who hate commitment; Tinder is just a giant time passing game to us. We wander online in the hopes that we will match with someone. This isn’t even the prize. The prize is if we can actually match with someone who can keep up an interesting conversation that doesn’t revolve around: food allergies, ex-partners, pets, traveling stories about a girl called Chantelle who found herself.

If you are starting to see similarities between yourself and me. Ask yourself this; Do you often find yourself subconsciously opening tinder when bored? Some play solitaire, we swipe through woman/men/they to get our boredom fix. Half the time we might not even be looking at the person. I know that my thumbs just seem to enjoy the swiping movement, and a happy fanny flutter feeling I get when I get a match never goes amiss. We all know the boredom and desperation that can lump itself onto a seemingly happy couple. We might reassure each other that it’s better to match with a stranger we will never talk to, then go out to a bar and flirt with an actual woman.

Do you take Tinder that seriously? Let’s overlook the fact that I’ve just been invited to my third tinder wedding for next year. But realistically, how many people actually find a relationship from an app that sums you up in 5 photos, a short sentence, and your music taste. Am I just so deep into my denial that tinder is now a serious way to meet people? Perhaps I need to accept that no one meets in real life anymore? God even I have begun to refer to couples as IRL and online.

Do you find yourself always looking for the next best thing? This can make its way into all areas of your life. I am always looking for the best party, wine deal, woman who can make me laugh but also have the exact same wardrobe so that it doubles overnight and we dress impeccably. I seem to always be with one woman IRL whilst keeping an eye out for the next best thing online. Now, this may come from a very dark place that only my best friends and psychiatrist understand. However, yes I have a fear of commitment, but this seems to have grown since my first week on Tinder. How can I commit to one when there’s a surplus of options. My fear of missing out in all areas of my life has now seeped into my relationships. Tinder has wandered into my bedroom and made camp in my bed.

Let’s take a step back, and come to terms with the knowledge that my ex-girlfriends may have been right; I am a whore for my phone. Everything is just so accessible, food, porn, clothing, women within a 2-mile radius. We live at a time that dating can be extremely easy. But dating should not be easy; it takes time, effort and a lot of lying about how much we love seeing photos of their nephews. I can hear my mother in the back of my head, shaking her head and calling me ridiculous to think that a girl with a neck tattoo* could be the next best thing. So please, let’s all get off Tinder and go wine and dine your lady.

*I love neck tattoos, my mother does not.


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