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It’s 2008, you’re flicking through the latest cosmo magazine and have just learnt that boys only like strawberry flavoured lipgloss and that the top 9 belly shrinking foods you need to be adding to your dinner plate apparently don’t include cheesestrings and pickled onion space raiders. Noughties you is in a whirlwind of blowjob tips, fast fashion and fad diets, and Womanizer Britney spears was a complete banger (yeah, that last one hasn’t changed). Periods were resigned to bathroom whispers, tampons tucked up sleeves, pantyliners secretly bought in Superdrug piled under bottles of dry shampoo and blue mascara, because god forbid the woman at the till knew that you *gasp* had Auntie Flow visiting.
Fast forward 10 years and here we are in 2018, with our mooncups, tampon tax protests and two fingers up at taboos. Now, don’t get me wrong, we still have a way to go, but I’m here to firmly leave behind another very outdated, eye roller of a term: period pants. You know the ones- those big old Bridget’s that we don’t like, feel awful and uncomfortable in. They may as well have “blessed be the fruit” written across them.
We shouldn’t have to feel limited in our choice of underwear because we have been blessed with a uterus. Are we honestly still saying that for 36-60 days of the year we’re restricted to wearing pants that make us feel like we should have a fucking chastity belt on?! No thanks.
So, on that note, here is a list of pants that you can wear whilst on your period, because basically, you can wear whatever the fuck you like.
(So just a list of some nice pants really)
TOPSHOP – Toucan Play that Game knickers
Oh look, it’s a pun, and who doesn’t love puns?! A sweet motif on your knickers is guaranteed to make you smile every time you have to change your tampon, so we couldn’t recommend these enough. Plus, they look like the type of pants that would sit really nicely around your butt and work well with skirts/dresses and jeans. We like a lot.
MARKS & SPENCER – Rosie for Autograph Lace Thong
Forget everything you think you know about ol’ nana faithful Marksies, and peruse the deliciously luxurious Rosie Huntington Whiteley collection for Autograph. In fact, whilst you’re there, debunk everything you have ever been told about undies rules, for that time of the month, by picking up this, very reasonably priced, ivory and lace thong. Cream pants whilst I am producing the crimson tide?! You bloody betcha. ‘Cus there’s this magical thing called a cold wash.
ASOS – Curve Blair High Leg lace bodysuit
How about an actual luscious lace bodysuit, whilst you’re at it? Nothing quite screams, ‘I’m sexy and I know it’ like an all in one intricate black number, that works very well under a slightly sheer shirt. Pair with some mom jeans and a bleeding vagina, and honestly babe, you’ve got a winner.
CURVY KATE – Scantilly knock-out red brief
Look how amazingly unnecessary these cutouts are, and how 100% amazing you’d feel in them. Scantilly is the sensual range from inclusivity lingerie faves Curvy Kate and these red briefs even come with a knockout plunge bra to match. You would struggle not to feel smug knowing you were shimmying around in this pair underneath your office wear.
MONKI – Mesh heart briefs
If there was ever a more apt way of letting your vagina know that you loved it, it’s sticking a heart slap bang on the front of your knickers. These cute and kitsch MONKI pair are a surefire way to forget about the feeling of someone taking a chainsaw to your uterus. Plus, they look really comfy too.
CALVIN KELIN – High waist Hipsters
Bringing sport luxe to your butt! There is something ever so classically chic about a pair of Calvins. Opt for a chic black pair with the classic waistband to make you feel like some sort of model in a monochrome arty photoshoot. Cotton material makes for extra comfort and breathability, which is always a breezy bonus.
MONKI – Lace Half string in Sunscreen Please
With names such as ‘Yo Mama’, ‘Blush Bae pink’ and ‘Tickle the ivory’ you would be forgiven for buying a pair of these pretty lace pants in every colour. We recommend ‘sunscreen please’ to bring a little sunshine to your nethers in the chilliest of days. Great at creating a smooth shape under all your clothes, these reasonably priced wonders will make for a killer addition to your knickers drawer.
ASOS – Florence lace high waist pant
A high waisted lace pair with fancy stringy bits (the technical term) and a sheer lace panel for when you want to feel like some sort of adventurous, high fashion blogger type. If I was to wear these I would probably flash them at strangers, they’re that cool.
NB: We do not recommend that you flash your pants at unsuspecting member of the public, do always ask the lucky observer first if they would like to see your incredibly good choice in knickers.
URBAN OUTFITTERS – Squeeze Me Contrast Band Knickers
I am very much here for a consensual bum squeeze, so I may as well have it emblazoned up my butt in this incredibly cute Urban Outfitters lilac pair. Paired with some kitsch lemon motifs these full briefs have a cute contrast waistband and good all-rounder coverage. They look like the type of knickers that would make long journeys comfortable and wouldn’t irritate an ingrown hair.
ASOS – ELISSA Poppy Lacetex Set
“Oh hey there you incredibly sexy woman who just so happens to be menstruating” is exactly what this whole incredibly outrageous, and justifiably pricey, underwear set is saying. Peach and pink latex, suspenders, and an impractical one shouldered bra; this is one of those knock out sets that makes you feel like you have your shit together, are wildly kinky and know exactly what you want from life (because pants can do that). No clothes would work well over the top, but when you looks this incredible why would you want to get dressed?