I long for the days when two beeps and an oi oi from a clapped up Clio really got me going. Or a cheeky “nice tits love” squawked from the top of a building site made my day and validated my existence. Nowadays, flirting has gone online and honestly, how is a girl to know when a guy thinks that he’s into her, y’know? Enter: dick pic.
Be it a classic hard dick in hand whilst lying down, or perhaps the more creative ballsack upshot, a dick pic is a sure-fire way for a man to show his interest in you; especially when it’s unsolicited, those ones are even more special (you lucky girl, you). There really is nothing quite like a glowing Snapchat notification on your phone, letting you know that ‘danniboi91’ has gifted you with 10 seconds of his slightly flaccid cock, propped up in his left hand, with those navy gingham sheets making for the perfect backdrop to his masterpiece. Oh wait, was that a water splash and wink emoji I spotted?? Woah, he really likes me.
Now comes the mindfield of your reply. Do you play it coy? Flash a left tit as a visual thank you? Call your mum in tears telling her you think you’ve found the one?! Don’t be overwhelmed. I know your heart has just skipped a beat, your fanny is throbbing, and you can’t quite believe your luck. We’ve got you. Try one of these 5 reactions and thank us later.
Propose Marriage
Look, I’m not sure why you’d need more evidence than getting an artsy b&w penis pic, but if that isn’t love, then I really don’t know what the bloody hell is. My suggestion here is to be as clingy as possible, let him know that you’re definitely not going anywhere.
Show Concern
There is nothing than a man loves more than when you show him your sweet and caring side. Now is the perfect opportunity to reassure him that you’ll always look out for him. Ask him if he is feeling okay, take interest in his health and wellbeing. Now really is the perfect time.
Play Dumb
It’s true what they say, boys love it when you play dumb. Don’t intimidate them with your intelligence now babe, they’re fragile creatures, and stroking their masculinity by reminding him how silly you are is a guaranteed way of getting more where that pic came from.
Cry
True love can be extremely overwhelming and when things get a bit much it’s okay to just let it all out. In fact, share that raw emotion with your dreamboat by taking a selfie mid sob, and sending it straight back to him.
Be Hard to Get
Don’t hate the player, hate the game etc. If I learned anything from the pages of early 00’s cosmo magazine (bible), it’s that men really like it when you leave them guessing and appear unavailable. Why don’t you simply block them so they fancy you even more?
Make them Laugh
I’m going to take two guesses and say that danniboi91 classes The Inbetweeners as his favourite film and we all know that means he’s up for some serious LOLZ. Show him you’re on his wavelength by making him laugh with a simple “unsubscribe” message. It’ll be a sure way to make him snort.
*WARNING: THIS ARTICLE MAY CONTAIN HIGH LEVELS OF SARCASM
